How to Raise Caring Children

Caring, which is closely connected to being peaceful, is a child's ability to show empathy, kindness, and concern for others. A caring child is attentive to the needs and feelings of those around them, often demonstrating a willingness to help or comfort others. This trait is often accompanied by a sense of calmness and inner peace, as the child feels fulfilled by their positive interactions and contributions to their environment. Caring children tend to be more cooperative, considerate, and able to form strong, positive relationships with both peers and adults.

For children who have experienced trauma, the ability to be caring can be significantly impacted. Trauma can alter brain development, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation, empathy, and social cognition, such as the prefrontal cortex and amygdala. As a result, these children may struggle with emotional dysregulation, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting others, which can hinder their capacity for caring behaviors. However, they might also exhibit heightened sensitivity to others' pain due to their own experiences, leading to caring behaviors that stem from a place of deep understanding. In some cases, traumatized children may alternate between being overly caring (as a coping mechanism or attempt to gain control) and seeming indifferent or detached, as they struggle to process and express their own emotions in a healthy manner.

As the wagon train rolled across the vast prairie, young Sarah huddled in the corner of the canvas-covered wagon, her threadbare doll clutched tightly to her chest. At just eight years old, she had already endured more hardship than most adults on this treacherous journey west. Orphaned at the age of five when illness claimed her parents, Sarah had been passed from one foster family to another, never quite finding a place to call home.

The Johnsons, a kind-hearted couple unable to have children of their own, had taken Sarah in just before embarking on the Oregon Trail. Though they treated her with kindness, Sarah struggled to trust their intentions, always waiting for the moment when they, too, would abandon her.

One sweltering afternoon, as the wagon train paused to rest the oxen, Sarah overheard Mrs. Johnson speaking quietly to her husband. "I worry about Sarah," she whispered. "She barely speaks, and I've never seen her smile. How can we help her understand that she's safe with us now?"

Sarah's heart raced. She had heard similar conversations before, usually followed by being sent away to yet another unfamiliar place. Panic rising in her chest, she slipped away from the wagon and ran into the tall grass, desperate to hide.

As the sun began to set, turning the sky a brilliant orange, Sarah realized she had wandered too far. The distant sound of the wagon train had faded, replaced by the eerie howls of coyotes. Tears streamed down her face as fear gripped her small body.

Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice calling her name. It was Mr. Johnson, his deep baritone tinged with worry. "Sarah! Sarah, where are you?"

To her surprise, Sarah found herself wanting to run towards his voice, not away from it. As she stumbled out of the grass, she saw Mr. Johnson's face, etched with concern. Without hesitation, he scooped her up in his strong arms, holding her close.

"Oh, Sarah," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "We were so worried. Are you alright?"

Sarah nodded, burying her face in his shoulder. For the first time in years, she felt a warmth spreading through her chest – a feeling of safety and belonging.

Back at the wagon, Mrs. Johnson wrapped Sarah in a warm blanket, gently stroking her hair. "We're so glad you're safe, sweetheart," she said softly. "We love you very much, you know."

Sarah looked up at the Johnsons, seeing the genuine care and concern in their eyes. In that moment, she realized that maybe, just maybe, she had finally found a family who truly wanted her.

As the days passed, Sarah slowly began to open up. She helped Mrs. Johnson prepare meals, listened intently to Mr. Johnson's stories by the campfire, and even began to share some of her own experiences. The Johnsons never pushed her, always patient and understanding, even on the days when Sarah's past traumas resurfaced and she withdrew into herself.

One evening, as the wagon train crossed a particularly beautiful stretch of prairie dotted with wildflowers, Sarah tugged on Mrs. Johnson's skirt. "Can we pick some flowers?" she asked hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Mrs. Johnson's face lit up with joy. "Of course, sweetheart! What a wonderful idea."

Together, they wandered through the field, gathering colorful blooms. As they worked, Sarah began to talk about her birth parents, sharing happy memories she had kept locked away for so long. Mrs. Johnson listened attentively, offering comforting words and gentle hugs when Sarah's eyes welled with tears.

Returning to the wagon with their arms full of flowers, they found Mr. Johnson had prepared a special treat – wild berries he had discovered during his scouting. As they sat together, enjoying nature's bounty, Sarah felt a unfamiliar sensation bubbling up inside her. It took her a moment to recognize it as happiness.

That night, as Sarah snuggled into her bedroll, she heard the Johnsons talking softly outside the wagon.

"Did you see her smile today?" Mrs. Johnson whispered excitedly. "I think she's finally starting to feel at home with us."

"She's a strong little girl," Mr. Johnson replied. "With love and patience, she'll heal. We'll be there for her, every step of the way."

Sarah hugged her doll tightly, a small smile playing on her lips. For the first time in years, she fell asleep without fear, knowing that she was surrounded by people who truly cared for her. The journey west was still long and fraught with challenges, but Sarah no longer felt alone. She had found her family, right here on the Oregon Trail, and with their love and support, she knew she could face whatever lay ahead.

The child in this story, emerging from a difficult background, is displaying caring behavior, which can be understood through various aspects of the Wagon Method:

Grounded Experiences: The child's caring nature may stem from positive interactions or relationships stored in their metaphorical wagon. Despite their challenging background, they've likely had experiences that taught them the value of empathy and kindness. These experiences serve as a source of strength and resilience, allowing them to extend care to others.

Wheels of Well-being: The child's caring behavior could reflect their Love and Acceptance wheel. If they've experienced genuine care and acceptance from their Advocates or Nurturing Network members, they may be mirroring these behaviors as a way of seeking connection and belonging.

Outside Obstacles: The child's caring nature might be a coping mechanism developed in response to past challenges. Children from difficult backgrounds often become hypervigilant about others' needs as a survival strategy. They may have learned that being caring and attentive helps avoid conflict or gain approval, which could have been essential for their safety in past situations.

Identity and Value: By demonstrating care for others, the child may be constructing a positive self-image and finding a sense of purpose or worth. This behavior might be their way of asserting control over their environment and experiences, particularly if they've felt powerless in other aspects of their life.

It's important to recognize that while this caring behavior is admirable, it may also indicate underlying needs or unresolved traumas. The child may be suppressing their own needs in favor of caring for others, which could lead to emotional exhaustion or difficulty setting healthy boundaries.

Advocates working with the child should validate and appreciate their caring nature while ensuring the child's own emotional needs are being met. This might involve creating safe spaces for the child to express their feelings and needs, teaching them about healthy boundaries, and helping them understand that their worth is not solely dependent on what they do for others.

The Nurturing Network plays a crucial role in supporting this caring child. By providing a diverse range of positive relationships and experiences, the network can help the child develop a balanced understanding of care - one that includes self-care alongside care for others.

Addressing this behavior requires considering the potential impact of Trauma Water on the child's core experiences. While their caring nature may be genuine, it could also be influenced by distorted beliefs about their value or role in relationships. Gentle exploration of these underlying beliefs, within a safe and supportive environment, can help the child develop a healthier, more balanced approach to caring.

Ultimately, the goal is to help the child maintain their caring nature while ensuring it comes from a place of genuine empathy and healthy self-esteem, rather than fear or a need for validation. By applying the Wagon Method's holistic approach, caregivers can support the child in integrating their caring nature into a resilient, well-rounded identity, capable of both giving and receiving care in healthy ways.